I’ve always been a person that looks for a reason for the behaviors of myself and others. Why do we do what we do on a daily basis? What’s the motivation? What’s the potential outcome? It’s probably the same process that any author or playwright goes through when they are laying out their lame ass story in their lame ass novel or play. I say lame ass, because, let’s face it, the number of such works that are not lame ass is infinitesimal compared to the ones that make it to the Amazon best sellers list. This very blog is a good example of lameass-osity.
And so, I am currently trying to understand why I’ve lost interest in most of the things that I once loved. I used to love to read, but no more. I used to love to run, but due to various aches and pains, no thanks. Same for golf, bicycling, playing music, yoga, motorcycling, exercise, hiking, yada yada yada. The list is infinite. Oh, I still do those things in a half hearted attempt to recreate the magic that there once was, but my heart just ain’t in it.
I recently looked up the meaning of “lack of affect”. Google sez
“A person with flat affect has no or nearly no emotional expression. They may not react at all to circumstances that usually evoke strong emotions in others”
I’m not sure that is it, but it is definitely heading in the right direction. Is it a mental condition? Possibly, but I obviously hope not. I do find myself engaging in adventures that are potentially harmful for a 65 year old man in an attempt to revive those old thrills that I once loved. Sadly, the thrill appears to be gone or in the process of exiting. Elvis has not left the room, but he definitely is getting fat from too many peanut butter and banana sammichez.
it may also be that I’ve suffered from boredom my entire life and have constantly looked for something that I can briefly pay attention to. And now that I’ve run out of things to pay attention to, I’ve reached the end of the road. Ennui might also be a word that describes the condition.
Just today I learned that Harvard has a new class on Taylor Swift. Now I cannot name one song that Tay Tay ever wrote or sang, but I can conclude that the world and Harvard in particular are suffering from the same condition that I’m suffering from if that is all that they have to offer to advance our understanding of the natural universe.
Then again I may just be a grumpy old man that’s having a bad day.
