A tragicomedy in three acts, starring your government.
Congratulations, democracy! You handed the keys to the kingdom over to a group of people whose primary qualifications are “owns a webcam,” “has strong opinions about lizard people,” and “once went viral yelling in a truck.”
And now, surprise! Everything’s broken, nothing works, and your national discourse is indistinguishable from a YouTube comment section. Who could’ve seen this coming? (Spoiler: literally everyone.)
Let’s take a look at what happens when the inmates not only run the asylum — they privatize it, deregulate it, and turn it into a podcast studio.
Act I: The Rise of the Loud and Unqualified
First, we mistook being loud for being right. We replaced policy papers with angry livestreams. Nuance was declared elitist. “Reading” became suspicious. “Thinking” was canceled for being too woke.
And somehow, against all odds and IQ scores, people who previously couldn’t be trusted to run a group chat are now running entire agencies. Education, health, defense — all now helmed by individuals whose last job was either “influencer,” “radio shock jock,” or “unlicensed motivational speaker.”
Act II: Weaponized Incompetence
Once in power, they get to work. By “work,” we mean:
- Holding press conferences to declare war on Muppets.
- Cutting funding to libraries while allocating emergency funds to fight pronouns.
- Introducing bills to criminalize rainbows.
- Replacing scientific advisory boards with a guy named Chuck who “did his own research on TikTok.”
Meanwhile, actual emergencies — like climate change, economic inequality, or basic infrastructure — are treated like minor side quests in a video game they stopped playing.
Act III: The Decline of Reality
Eventually, you lose the plot. No one remembers what day it is, what facts are, or who’s technically in charge anymore. Every press briefing sounds like an improv class gone wrong. Experts have fled the scene. Logic is a distant memory.
And the rest of us? We’re just standing in line at the DMV, wondering why it now plays Alex Jones audiobooks and sells prepper kits.
The Aftermath: You Get What You Meme For
When governance becomes a content strategy, this is what you get:
- A legislative branch more focused on going viral than passing bills.
- Bureaucracies run like fan clubs.
- Public health advice that sounds like it came from a crystal shop cashier.
- And leaders who think foreign policy means “subtweeting Canada.”
It would be hilarious if it weren’t, you know, your actual life.
In Conclusion: Maybe Let’s Stop Doing This?
At some point, we have to admit that charisma is not a substitute for competence. That yelling is not a leadership style. That “disrupting the system” should not involve setting it on fire while filming yourself for clout.
So next time someone asks for your vote and their résumé includes “part-time militia commander” or “self-certified epidemiologist,” maybe just… don’t.
Because this is what happens when you put whackos in charge: everything breaks, and somehow they still blame the interns.
If you enjoyed this descent into political absurdity, hit the follow button. If you didn’t, you’re probably already drafting a strongly worded Facebook post about it. Either way, thanks for reading.
