This just in from the folks who brought you government shutdowns, legislative obstruction, tariffs, and world chaos:
“Some people that got COVID shots also got cancer.”
Next up from the Department of Things That Sound Scary But Mean Absolutely Nothing:
- “Some people that ate peanut butter and jelly sammichez got cancer.”
- “Some people that floss daily got cancer.”
- “Some people that woke up this morning… eventually died.”
Meanwhile, back in the boring world of science and logic, researchers continue to confirm the obvious: people get cancer for a lot of reasons, none of which include your lunch choices or dental hygiene routine.
Still, credit where it’s due—these fear-mongers have perfected the art of headline alchemy. Take one everyday event, mix with a dash of doom, and voilà: instant panic, no evidence required.
Stay tuned for their next revelation: “Breaking—100% of people who drink water eventually perish.”
