When Cats Rule the World: A Warning from Bootsy the Tuxedo Tyrant

What would it be like if puddy tats ruled the world? I can’t say for certain, but I can hazard an educated guess based on my own resident despot: Bootsy Collins, a ten-year-old tuxedo cat who, like his namesake, walks with funk but governs with iron (and fur-covered) paws. He is the template for our future […]

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Wienermobile Envy in the Corporate World

One of my lifelong dreams—besides not forgetting why I walked into a room—is to drive the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. Yes, that 27-foot rolling meat torpedo of joy. That iconic American sausage-shaped chariot. The Holy Grill of roadside novelty vehicles. I’ve whispered this dream to friends, family, and the occasional DMV clerk. And to my surprise, no one laughed.

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I Think I Pulled a Rip Van Winkle, and Frankly, I’m Not Mad About It

Lately, I’ve been having these odd, harmlessly dystopian thoughts. You know, the kind where you fantasize about waking up in a completely changed world. Not like a “new job, new car, new hairline” kind of changed. More like “everyone has calmed down, politics aren’t blood sport, and people at Thanksgiving actually talk to each other”

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This Is What Happens When You Put Whackos in Charge

A tragicomedy in three acts, starring your government. Congratulations, democracy! You handed the keys to the kingdom over to a group of people whose primary qualifications are “owns a webcam,” “has strong opinions about lizard people,” and “once went viral yelling in a truck.” And now, surprise! Everything’s broken, nothing works, and your national discourse

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