5 Places to Go Before You Die

I have recently noticed that there are about eleventy million articles on the web that have definitive lists of “N something somethings” that WILL “change your life in some obscure way”. For example, just this morning, ran across

  • 19 Of The Biggest Turn-Offs In Guys’ Apartments
  • 18 Easy And Inexpensive Desserts You Can Make With Puff Pastry
  • The 20 Highest-Paying Jobs That Don’t Require A College Degree

Who reads this crap? Is any of it even true? I have no idea, but feel like I must jump on the band wagon and give my definitive list of “5 Places to Go Before You Die”, enumerated in an order that will just pop into my head as I type


I went there once on a business trip.  The whackiest place on earth in my opinion.  In fact, while I was there, some kids in a theater had roughed up an older couple for complaining about their cell phone call.  The kids were subsequently whacked on the ass with a 4 foot bamboo pole by a hulking brute. I later found out that caning was common in Singapore. I elucidate the practice of caning in this description, derived from a pseudo reliable source

Caning is in practice always ordered in addition to a jail sentence and never as a punishment by itself. It is administered in an enclosed area in the prison, out of view of the public and other inmates. Those present are limited to the offender, prison wardens, medical officers, the caning officer and sometimes high-ranking prison officials to witness the punishment.

An inmate sentenced to caning is not told when he will be caned, being notified only on the day his sentence is to be carried out. He is ordered to strip naked; the prison doctor then examines him to check whether he is medically fit for caning, by measuring his blood pressure and other physical conditions. If the doctor gives the green light, the inmate then receives his caning, but if he is certified unfit for punishment, he is sent back to the court for his prison term to be increased instead. A prison officer confirms with him the number of strokes he is to receive.

The inmate is then led to the A-shaped frame (called a “caning trestle”) and his wrists and ankles secured tightly to the frame by strong leather straps in such a way that he assumes a bent-over position on the frame at an angle of close to 90° at the hip. Protective padding is placed on his lower back to protect the vulnerable kidney and lower spine area from any strokes that land off-target. The punishment is administered on the offender’s bare buttocks. The caning officer takes up position beside the frame and delivers the number of strokes specified in the sentence, at intervals of 10 to 15 seconds. He is required to put his full force into each stroke. The strokes are administered all in one caning session, unless the medical officer certifies that the inmate cannot receive any more strokes because of his condition, in which case the rest of the strokes are converted to additional prison time.

 Churrascaria Plataforma

This is a Brazillian restaurant in NYC wherein you can eat so much meat that you will attract wolves on your way back to the cabin. Upon being seated you are given a card which has a green dot on one side and a red dot on the other.  The green dot means that you are eating from the salad bar and the red dot means bring on the large slabs of bloody roasted meats. You can eat as much as you want and stay as long as your colon will tolerate. Once you switch to the red dot, the meat servers come to your table continuously with large spits of beef, pork, lamb, and chicken. They won’t stop coming until you flip your card over.

Stratosphere Restaurant Las Vegas

The Stratoshere Restaurant is located 998 feet above the LasVegas strip. What makes this joint worth checking out is the fact that it continuously rotates as you dine, giving you a panoramic view of the Las Vegas skyline. On top of all that, there is a bungee jump concession on the roof. So every 10 minutes or so, you’ll see some whacko go sailing by your window.

 Oxford University in the UK

I’ve only been there once, but did have an ongoing project with some folks in the information research department. I note that the building were old and looked like poop, the students dressed quite smartly, and (just like every other college in the world), they all drank until they fell headfirst into the canal. I particularly remember one evening heading back to my hotel room, seeing about 30 students on bicycles all dressed in long flowing black robes.  All were completely smashed and singing some bawdy English ballad at the tops of their lungs.

Spraker’s Falls

Now most of you have never even heard of Spraker’s Falls, but I can guarantee that once you been there you won’t wanna leave.  At least that is the way I remember it in my beer addled memory of my youth. I haven’t been back there in 30+ years, but feel that it is an essential part of any young person’s upbringing.

So at this point, I am good to go.  I can die happily, knowing that I have been every place that I need to have gone. My bucket list is empty, and I have passed on the sum total of my wisdom to the next generation.

This is Chris Hammond …. Good Day?

All content copyright of Christopher Hammond