You know, sometimes you’ve had about all you can stands. Your brain just won’t stop spinning until something comes out of your mouth or out of your fingers onto the typewritten page. Such is the case today as I contemplate the very timely impeachment of a confidence man and the enablement of a slow witted southerner.
What better way to do it than in a song that is sung to the tune of The Ballad of Jed Clampettt AKA The Beverly Hillbillies theme song. This song is so iconic that one need but utter the words “Come and listen to a story”, to cause this ear worm to start rattling your medulla oblongata.
In my mind, I picture this presented as a theme song to a local TV cable show. We would use finger puppets as the actors and finger puppets as the audience. I have no script for the show, but a good buddy of mine, Spike, has assured me that we can quickly whip one up at the next meeting of the Crusty Old Bastards Miserable Old Bastards (COBMOB) breakfast club. The actors would resemble the finger puppets at the top of this post and audience would look something like those shown to the right,
In any event, I give you
The Ballad of Moscow Mitch and Dasvidaniya Don
Come and listen to a tale about a couple of doods
Each sunrise greets a menopausal mood
Then one day they got voted to run the world
And it all swirled the toilet in a giant polished turd
A con that is, sucked us in, down the drain
Well the next thing you know the shit had hit the fan
Pack up your golden toilet cause you’re in trouble with the man
Pooty says “Vladivostok is the place you ought to be”
I got a condo and a hooker for you by the Black Sea
Y’all don’t come back now, hear?