Nature Abhors a Vacuum

Nature abhors a vacuum. It has been a scientific truth since, well, since there were vacuums. When there’s a vacuum, all of the natural world rushes to fill it. What the fuck has that got to do with philosophical thoughts flowing from the mind of one such as I? Well lemme tell ya …. I gots a lotta mo to say bout all of that.

Have you any “friends” that communicate only with you through electronic means? Well, I got lots. They send me text messages, emails, iMessages, Facebook messages, phone calls with mysterious voice mails, and the list goes on and on. I ask them for an in person meeting, or maybe a lunch date. The response? Maybe, we’ll see, I gotta check with my wife, I’ll check my schedule and get back to you, I’m going on vacation, I have visitors this week, yada yada yada yada. What the fuck is going on? Why can’t we just get together and have a conversation however brief? Why can’t we just have some eggs and toast followed by a reasonable conversation about our lives and the goings on therein? I dunno. We all prefer a vacuous nebulous anonymous text about some insane nonsense rather than an in-depth personal and up-close discussion of something real.

My favorite response is “I gotta ask my wife”. What kinda pussy ass mother fucker has to ask permission to go and hang out with a friend? If anyone ever says that to me again, I shall metaphorically kick them directly in the testicles. I mean really, who asks permission to go and meet with a friend. It is obviously just a delaying tactic and an attempt to push the blame away from themselves and onto the poor unsuspecting ass of their significant other. Man up asshole and just admit that you are incapable of committing to anything other than your nightly autoerotic activities. I mean really, what the fuck?

So I gots an answer to all of this. Fuck those ass wipe mothers! I hereby declare that I will vacuum them all. Nature may abhor a vacuum, but I prefer to embrace the vacuum. If you don’t want to meet in person and instead desire to send me inane text messages about ubiquitous bullshit, then all I can say is that you need to go and fuck thyself. I hereby unfriend you or block you or take a dump upon your grave site. I shall no longer speak to you or seek out your company. If you wanna meet me, come to my house, knock upon my door, and request an audience with my imperial ass. I’ve had enough!

When did electronic means become the primary form of communication? We all be Zoomin and textin rather than huggin and kissin. Is this really the way that humanity will end? We’ll all be living our solitary lives in our domiciles with no human contact. Instead we’ll be doing all of our interactions through electronic means. I truly believe if we could come up with a way to deliver sperm electronically, we’d be procreating electronically.


To all my pals, of which I have an ever decreasing number, I say “I’m here, and if you want me … come and get me”. I’m holed up like Scarface in his hotel room, just waiting for your sorry ass to show up and kiss my sorry ass. I relinquish my connection with youse and hereby block you unless you come a knock knock knockin on my front door. Fare the well, as you shall never hear from me again lest you come and kiss my ever lovin ass.

I end this ranting diatribe with a quote from the book of Eeyore – Thanks for noticin’